DEALING WITH DISAPPOINTMENTS

Disappointment is a topic that we all try to avoid and don’t want to talk about, but it is an experience common to us all. From the poor grades you got on high school exams, to the interviews you went to and didn’t land the job, to the relationship that didn’t have a happy ever after. At some point in our lives, we have had to experience and deal with some form of disappointment or another. Some disappointments have led people to commit suicide, depression, divorce, paranoia, and other forms of reactions that have resulted from disappointment. Disappointment is an experience that is mostly out of our control, but our response to it is within our control. Therefore, we want to examine how God would have us respond to and deal with disappointment as believers.

·        Understand That Being A Christian Does Not Exempt You From Disappointments

One of the misconceptions and grounds of entry for the devil is the idea that being a Christian is an inauguration into Christmas every day. It is not precisely so. The lyrics of an old Christian hymn spell this out better, it says.

God hath not promised skies always blue,

Flower-strewn pathways all our lives through

God hath not promised sun without rain

Joy without sorrow, peace without pain

But God has promised strength for the day.

Rest for the labor, light for the way

Grace for the trials, help from above,

Unfailing sympathy, undying love

The lyrics of this hymn bring us perspective on what our expectations should be. Satan has deceived many to deny the faith because of disappointment. It is a gross misconception to believe that we are automatically exempted from disappointment. The Bible never teaches us that. Many of the heroes of faith in the scriptures had to deal with disappointments at some point in their lives. They became heroes because they were not consumed by the disappointments and challenges they faced. Abraham was a man of faith, but he experienced disappointment in childbearing. Joseph feared God, but he still experienced a series of disappointments, from slavery to prison. The difference is that they responded differently to the various disappointments that they faced. Here is what Jesus said:

“I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world”. John 16:33

·        Look to Jesus

Disappointments are mostly a product of failed expectations from people or circumstances. This is always bound to fail. Only God has a track record of faithfully fulfilling his promises. We have to learn to stop placing our hopes and trust in people and circumstances and start trusting God for everything. You might wonder how it is possible to trust God with issues that don’t seem to relate to him, such as your relationship. You cannot guarantee that you or your partner will be faithful enough to see it through, but if you turn the relationship over to God, he can help you keep it, and in the case in which it fails, you can be sure that he’ll be there to provide the strength and courage needed to pull through.

When you face disappointment, the best place to go is God’s throne room. God never disappoints. The Bible says; he makes all things work together for your good, even that disappointment. You stand a better chance with him than trying to fix it by yourself. God sometimes allows us to experience disappointment so we can learn to trust him. The devil’s goal is to shift your gaze away from God to make you think he is unfaithful or doesn’t care. But beyond the scars of your disappointment is the tender hand of a loving father waiting to receive you and help you.

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1.

·        Pray

The place of prayer is also a place of fellowship and exchange. It is the place where you can share the pain and frustration of your disappointment with God, and he will share his strength and joy with you. It’s the place where you can exchange your discouragement and frustration with his love and faith. So often, when we face disappointment, the last place we want to go is to God because we feel that he was aware all the while and he didn’t stop, so why go to him now? But the truth is, he is the first person to go. He is the true comforter and helper that you need at these times. Don’t let disappointments push you away from him, but rather let them push you further to him. He specializes in making lemonades out of lemons. From Abraham and Sarah’s barrenness, he made them the father and mother of many nations. To Joseph’s disappointment, he became prime minister of Egypt. He can make something beautiful out of your disappointments if only you let him.

“Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray; is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise”. James 5:13

·        Praise God

This sounds like the last thing you want to do now, right? But it is one of the most potent ways to deal with disappointments. The site of disappointment is in your mind. Praising God helps your mind soar above your current predicament into a place of faith and thanksgiving. There is always something to thank God for. Look for a reason to praise God and continue to do it until joy and faith are restored in your heart. Paul and Silas were in prison without hope of release, but they began to sing praises to God, and their deliverance came. When king Saul was being oppressed by the spirit of depression, he invited David to play his harp, and the spirit of depression left him. As you praise God, the reality of the greatness and faithfulness of God gets bigger in your heart, and the size and depth of your frustration begin to diminish at the realization of the goodness of God. Praise is the cure to heaviness and sorrow.

“To all who mourn in Israel, he will give beauty for ashes; joy instead of mourning; praise instead of heaviness. For God has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for his own glory”. Isaiah 61:3.

·        Be Honest With Yourself And With God

Some people try to deal with their disappointments by shoving them somewhere and pretending they didn’t exist or were not hurt. These people unconsciously start to harbor resentment and bitterness towards the people or circumstances responsible for their situation. It is okay to admit to yourself and God that you are hurt. That’s the first step towards healing. You don’t get cured of cancer by pretending it’s not there. You face it and find a cure. That’s what you do to your disappointment. You may cry if you have to, but don’t let your pain turn into despair. Let’s examine the Apostle Paul’s reaction to his disappointments and struggles; “But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me”. He turned it over to God and found strength amid his challenges. Admitting your weakness and disappointment is a sign of strength. When you open up to God, he’ll supply his strength.

·        Forgive The People Who Disappointed You

Unforgiveness is a heavyweight to bear. You cannot fully overcome your disappointment if you don’t forgive the person who disappointed you. Forgiveness is powerful and will also bring healing. Forgiveness is a choice not to hold resentment against the person who hurt you. As you release people, you allow God in. It is also possible that you messed up so badly, and you are grossly disappointed in yourself. You have to forgive yourself also. Since God has forgiven you, you should forgive yourself too. Don’t allow the devil to sell you the falsehood of self-penance. God has forgiven you, and he still loves you all the same.

·        Dig Deep Into His Word

As you study the word of God, you develop conviction about the faithfulness of God and an awareness of his goodness. Circumstances of life try to affect your understanding of God and his love for you, but the only way to truly understand God is through his word. God’s word is full of promises and expressions of his undying love for you, his ability to bring you out of your situation, and his intentions to help you through it. As you meditate on his promises, you experience the comfort of his presence. As a result, hope is restored in your heart, and faith is reborn to take the ground you just lost.

Nobody prays to experience disappointments. We all hope we never would. But from experience, it is obvious we cannot run away from our own shadows. However, the good news is that God is with us and ready to help us as we go through and deal with disappointments. That is very consoling. You can place your bet on the faithfulness of God; all you have to do is trust him.